Avoiding Passive Voice
One of the sneakiest pitfalls for new writers is the passive voice.
I wrote a little bit about the subject when exploring verbs last month, but today, I wanted to do a deep dive: active versus passive construction, and why it matters.
Okay. Active. Passive. Constructions. Blech. It all sounds so technical, but here’s the gist: in the passive voice, the action happens to the subject rather than the subject actively doing something.
For example, “The cake was eaten by the child” is passive, while “The child ate the cake” is active. It’s a small change, but there’s a big difference!
Contrasting Passive Voice Against Active Voice
Active voice is a sentence structure where the subject acts directly. This form is typically more precise, direct, and often more engaging, as it emphasizes the doer of the action. In active voice, sentences follow the format of subject → verb → object.
Here are some examples:
The chef cooked dinner. The subject (chef) is actively acting (cooking) on the object (dinner).
The dog chased the ball. The subject (dog) performs the action (chased) on the object (ball).
The team won the game. Here, the subject (team) is directly responsible for the action (won) applied to the object (game).
In contrast, the passive voice switches the object and subject, often making the sentence feel indirect: “Dinner was cooked by the chef,” “The ball was chased by the dog,” etc.
Passive Voice in Administrative Communication
Passive voice is commonly used in business or administrative language. While it gets a bad rap, it does serve a purpose. In these contexts, passive voice can create a neutral tone, soften statements, or keep the focus on actions rather than specific people or departments.
For instance, saying, “Mistakes were made in the project’s execution” instead of “The team made mistakes in the project’s execution” removes direct blame, making the language less personal and often more diplomatic. Passive voice can also emphasize the action over the actor, which is helpful if the “who” is less important than “what happened.”
That said, we don’t want our fiction or non-fiction stories to sound like business memos, do we?
Passive Voice in Prose
Too much passive voice can make writing feel vague or evasive, and it may lead to reader confusion or frustration if they’re unsure who is responsible for specific actions.
For balance, use passive voice intentionally and sparingly, mainly when neutrality or diplomacy is needed, but switch to active voice when clarity and directness are essential.
Why Does Passive or Active Voice Mater?
In prose, passive constructions can make sentences distant, dull, or confusing. Readers thrive on clarity and energy, and the passive voice weighs down your prose, causing readers to feel detached from the action.
Imagine writing, “The sword was swung by the knight,” rather than “The knight swung the sword.” The second choice is sharper, cleaner, and keeps your reader engaged. It has more energy — it’s immediate, it’s active — and that energy is what we’re after as authors.
Passive voices in fiction can drain energy and immediacy, making descriptions feel detached and characters seem less dynamic.
In storytelling, readers want to feel that they’re part of the action, seeing events unfold in real time. Passive voice, however, disrupts this flow by making events feel like they're happening in the background or after the fact, which can create an unintentional distance between the reader and the story.
For instance, if you write, “The treasure was discovered by the adventurers,” the focus lands more on the treasure than on the adventurers who found it. In fiction, where characters drive the narrative, this construction feels weaker. Switching to active voice, “The adventurers discovered the treasure,” puts readers directly in the moment of discovery, letting them experience the characters’ excitement firsthand.
Going back to administrative communication, another issue with passive voice is its tendency to blur responsibility and reduce clarity. If readers are trying to track action sequences, emotional moments, or crucial plot twists, passive voice can muddle who’s responsible for what, especially in complex scenes.
Take, “The spell was cast, causing the tower to collapse,” which leaves it ambiguous who cast the spell. In contrast, “The mage cast the spell, causing the tower to collapse,” centers the mage’s decisive role, tightening both the action and the stakes.
While passive voice has its place, especially for conveying subtlety or mystery, using it too often in fiction can make your writing feel less immediate, weaken character agency, and slow the story's pacing. An active voice keeps the action front and center, amplifying tension and giving readers the immersive experience they crave.
Spotting Passive Constructions
To spot passive voice, look for versions of “to be” (was, were, is) paired with past tense verbs. Once you find these, flip the sentence so your characters do the action directly. This brings clarity and energy into your storytelling, helping you convey movement and emotion.
The word “was” is often considered a red flag for passive voice because it’s frequently paired with a past participle (a verb ending in -ed, -en, etc.) to form a passive construction. In passive voice, the structure typically looks like “was/were + past participle,” which shows that the action is happening to the subject rather than being actively performed by it.
For example:
Passive: “The letter was written by Sarah.”
Active: “Sarah wrote the letter.”
In the passive version, “was written” makes the letter the focus, while in the active voice, “Sarah wrote” places Sarah as the primary actor.
Therefore, a good FIND/SEARCH on your document for “was” can help identify possible passive constructions.
AI can also help. You can paste a sentence into an AI, ask if it is passive, and rewrite it in active voice. You can even paste your entire chapter or short story and ask the AI to locate passive constructions. A real time-saver.
Let’s be clear. “was” itself isn’t always a sign of passive voice. It can also indicate past progressive tense, which describes an ongoing action in the past, like, “She was reading when he called.” In this case, “was reading” shows an active, continuous action.
But “was” is a good starting place to hunt down and root out passive constructions. Look for sentences where “was” or “were” is combined with a past participle, and the subject receives the action rather than performing it.
Noticing this difference can help you avoid passive constructions that weaken your prose and shift to active ones that give your writing clarity and momentum.
Conclusion
Cutting down on passive voice isn’t just about rules; it’s about making your writing come alive and bringing your readers directly into the action.
So keep a keen eye on those passive phrases. Your readers — and editors — will thank you!
R
